I Am a Junk Mail Junkie
Everyone is trying to get rid of junk mail. Why? I love the stuff. I can’t get enough. I am a junk-mail junkie, and proud of it. For the last year, I have put my email address on any site that I can find. Life has never been better. Let me count the ways.
At first I received a spam mail that said: You Qualify for a Gold Card. Right after that, another asked me: How many Credit Cards can you get? The wheels started spinning. As it turns out, I can get a lot of Credit Cards!!! I have replied to every one of these spams, so now my combined credit limit from the 100 or so cards is now $500,000! This is a lot of credit, and I’m not so good at repaying it, so it is good that the fine people who sent this mortgage refinance offer, Refinance without perfect credit, do not check my credit.
I am a big fan of learning, so when I got many emails touting UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS, I started working on my first PhD. It wasn’t my last PhD, though. I now have 12 PhDs in every subject imaginable, and I have more brains than the Scarecrow in “The Wizard of Oz”. I am truly a doctor of “thinkology”
Along with my newfound brains I have money rolling like never before as I Make a Fortune on eBay! selling all the junk in my house!!! I am now starting to sell my neighbor’s junk, too.
I have become a world traveler now that I can Get Your 2 FREE Air Tickets, 2 FREE Hotel Nights, $100 FREE Cash. I travel from city to city, and as long as the spam keeps rolling in, I may never return, sort of like “Johnny on the MTA”. I am also snapping pictures like crazy now that I will soon Claim Your Complimentary Digital Camera.
Because I print out every spam message that I receive, I use a lot in inkjet cartridges. But, not to worry, I get 50-75% OFF your Printer Ink- Ink Blowout Sale!
Now for my personal life. I have had my teeth whitened so much with Get Your Teeth Whitened that I really do Save a Fortune on your Electric Bill!
I have been keeping my libido going with Natural herbs that ignite the fire of desire. I have also sprinkled some of it on my wife’s cereal in the morning (when she is not looking). Now that my wife has left me, I am reading my newest reference manual: The Ultimate Guide to Meeting Women! I can also Attract the RIGHT girls with wonder pills which sounds a lot better than attracting the WRONG girls! Girls like this one, who is obviously the wrong girl: She’s 47 But Looks Like She’s 33…
As for my social responsibilities, I have single-handedly fixed the Health Care crisis by following the advice on this ad: $1 a day you can have real health insurance. Unfortunately, when I opened the package, I found that I had spent $365 for a jump rope…